Introspection

Lola wrote:SO???

Wow, so much to say...where do I start?

I had no idea that my Introspection Post was going to amount to close to 70 postings and over 1200 views inside of a week!

Or did I...????

Always been controversial...always been the trouble maker...Isn't that right, Tony?

Now, with emotions running deep...it seems like World War 3!!!! My My....Logos induced indeed!!!

I posted something...sincere? you be the judge...Post # 66...

NEO!!!! WOW!!!! Tell me, why did you choose Avatar as your metaphor? Why did you choose that movie? Did you not know that this "movie" is "special" and "meaningful" to Rok & Xeia? Surely, you were being intuitive, right? I know Xeia never, NEVER shared any of this with you!!!

Now Rok thinks Xeia and you were conspiring!

Now...Rok is ACCUSING her of being a LIAR and a FRAUD and a FAKE!!! Really Rok...not very nice!!! Is that love? No, not very loving, is it???!!!! Xeia tries to explain and you simply ignore her, cut her off! Wow...Grow up you big baby!!!! Listen, Rok...think long and hard before you make accusations of that nature! About anybody! Liar, Traitor, Fraud, Fake...those are real words, baby...Whereas, I may own those words, Xeia does not...silly boy!

Was that your intention Neo? To make Xeia look like a liar, and a fraud, and shit?

and according to Tony...Xeia and you Neo, are LOVERS...In fact, you and I are LOVERS, Neo...Really, Tony??? Tony you and I must talk!!!!

Are you my soul mate, Neo? Tony seems to think that I see you as my soul mate!!! Wow, really?

Can somebody tell me exactly what the fuck is a soul mate anyway? Because...Hello! No secret...I don't believe in that BS!....[/size]

And RAVEN...Wow...Baby!!!

Do you always kiss this much ass? I mean, If you were any further up Tony's ass I may actually be jealous...AHHHHH YESSSS 3D Jealously, LOL

I don't kiss ass Lola, never have and never will. My alligance is to myself and God. Neither am I a follower or a Leader, I simply AM. Jealousy is your problem, not mine.

And Poor Insecure, and Naive, Lost little XEIA...Must keep the truth from her...SHE CANT HANDLE THE TRUTH....LOL Really, Raven????

None of us involved in this have ever kept the truth from Xeia, she knows this. As always it comes out in the open, we hide nothing, so this is complete bullshit. You my dear do not understand where we stand on this. If anything was kept from her by any of us, I assure you it was temporary and in consideration of her feelings.


OH and Raven...THIS DREAM OF YOURS....Which is laughable...I mean I don't believe one bit of it...how CONVENIENT...that you just so happen to have this dream...NOW! Wow! Really?

Really.....no bullshit here or in any of my posts, no hidden agendas, no manipulation, just me being myself Lola and sharing from my heart. I don't give a shit if you believe me or not!! It is not my intention to get you or anyone to believe me. I am simply here, like Tony to share data and my true heart, take it or leave it. The creator knows my intentions and the truth and I don't feel the need to prove myself to anyone but him.

Rok are you listening...."He squeezed me tighter pressing himself into me and was kissing me on the face and neck and shoulders." [/size]

Rok...Baby...who you squeezing? Wow...I am laughing so hard right now, I think I am going to come...really people....BITCH LOLA is actually getting horny...

Contrary to what you and Xeia are thinking here, I did not post this dream to make anyone horny. If you did or didn't get horny, I don't give a shit. If you read the dream in context with the other one and my comments you will see the true intent behind my sharing it. But feel free, as you always do, to read whatever BULLSHIT into it that you so choose.

Fuck you, Raven....and your fucking dream, you kiss ass piece of shit....!

Fuck you very much too Lola......kiss my ass Queen Bitch of the shit mouths!!


You are going to teach all of us a lesson? Really, Raven? Wow... Tony, you know why I came here, don't you...to this FORUM....I have followed you here, TONY...across space and time...

I don't need to teach any of you jack shit, you already know everything, what good would that do me? Tony isn't here to teach anyone either, he is sharing data, WORDS written on a computer screen, found on these pages and many more, take it or leave it. It is your choice to be here and read them or ....NOT.


WE NEED BALANCE! DO YOU HEAR ME...???? ALL YOU PEOPLE...NEED BALANCE!!!! NEED PERSPECTIVE!!!! NEED A FUCKING CLUE.... Listen to yourself Lola, take your own advice here...


Tony...this 3d shit is bullshit, ain't it? And I am lost, aren't I? Shadow Flamingo here is living up to it's name....

Infact it is bullshit Lola, but most people are too blind in there vanity and self absorption to see what a fucked world this is we live in. They would rather gloss their lips and gossip behind each others backs about who is fucking who up the ass, sideways and front.....

36) Jesus said, "Do not be concerned from morning until evening and from evening
until morning about what you will wear."
(56) Jesus said, "Whoever has come to understand the world has found (only) a
corpse, and whoever has found a corpse is superior to the world."

Tony, now...I may never be your FAVORITE darling....as I see clearly see this is a favoritism war; for approval and validation...

Only would a blind person actually believe this horse shit. If you knew anything about Tony and this group of people here, you would understand that we don't pick favorites, we see all as equal and equally valid. Did you just get out of high school Lola? Do you still feel the need to compete with full grown adults because you feel inadequate?

BUT hear me....You MUST restore BALANCE...2015 is creeping up upon us...the path is set, the mission is clear...

The Sleeping One, will awake...


There is NO marriage, NOTHING...NOTHING...as exists here on Earth will be....It will all cease....


CHAOS....MISTRUST, DISORDER, LUST...Will all be released....


BUT only IF BALANCE can be RESTORED...


You know who Raven is, don't you? and her purpose...

Yes Lola, he knows me perhaps better then anyone on the face of this planet right now, as I know him. Tony sees everyone's truth and falseness, call it a gift from god, and that my dear is no bullshit. But please misconstrue this statement too, as you have all others in your keen ability to read into things only that which you want to see.

You know who I am, too....don't you?


Tell me, sweet love...of my blindness...or my torment, or my pain and anguish...Who am I?...

Explain my anger and my disgust right now...

Oh I think no one needs to go any further here, its pretty evident in the extreme display of drama queenS of which both you and Xeia are masters.

Rok wrote:

His last post that includes Avatar material is ...distasteful....it is clear that Xeia somehow told him....either just now...or before in the chats. It includes her view of how do i fit into Avatar...something that i never fully agreed with. I am anything but what Jake Sully represents in the movie as human...etc Neo can not know this by himself. Him using it is a manipulation tactic and not some higher message. I am extremely "lost" after seeing her view of me in Avatar movie in Neo's post....

Please don't do this again. See, here you just included me in yet another one of your "conclusions". You look only at the external, and then accuse... Not all is what it seems Rok... and that is what's "sad... very sad...."

Ready for this?

I told Neo --NOTHING-- about Avatar. Nada. Not now, not in any chat... not ever.

Even if i was ever to talk to him about the subject... i would've not mentioned how I view you. I can't see how you think that i would... and i shake my head in disbelief. If you find yourself extremely "lost" and confused about something i did or didn't do, don't go making definite "conclusions" or go listen to others' speculations... come to me and ASK ME. I wasn't online? You know a million other ways to get to me other than Skype... if you really want to talk to me, you'll find a way.

Avatar is something very personal to me. I don't know how you view it, but this is MY movie Rok... isn't it obvious by my Avatar here? Have you looked at yours? You KNOW it holds a very special place in my heart, and to see that Neo decided to use it in his post "Xeia's style" surprised me too and my jaw dropped... literally. He was using my same style of posting... But why is this such a mystery? Perhaps he pays close attention to detail and sees what is obvious... and perhaps he is also intuitive... he is after all... a Cancer like me.

I really can't see why you find it so distasteful however, since what you say is right: you never really understood and always rejected my vision of how you fit into that character, and you decided to distance yourself from it... "Case Closed"
So, if you don't see yourself in him... if it doesn't apply to you in your own eyes... why get offended? Unless you thought I was intentionally providing him with "cannon fodder" to go against you.. in which case, it is beyond belief...

~It is still very interesting to me how you still cannot see Jake Sully's life as a human, being a soldier and an invalid etc, representing all that what our own lives here on 3D really is... still, i won't discuss it now, but we could, if anyone is interested... There is an entire Forum here on heaven dedicated to Avatar~

> [11:08:00 AM] Tonyblue: Neo is coming out
> [11:08:03 AM] Ishtara Raven: [11:07:26 AM] Rok: is he than he used what she told him....
> [11:07:35 AM] Rok: it is not his logos it is what she told him
How very sure of yourself you are... very assertive... very wrong

> [11:07:40 AM] Rok: and he used it in a very.....
> [11:07:47 AM] Rok: well not further comment needed
> [11:07:49 AM] Rok: thx raven
Thanx for what exactly?... for saying: "Neo used what i told him"?
nice...

> [11:07:53 AM] Ishtara Raven: yw
Of course he is... we can see it in your "dream"

> [11:08:13 AM] Tonyblue: he is becoming truthfulelr becasue of MM
> [11:08:40 AM] Ishtara Raven: rok thinks xeia is behind this and this isn't logos its xeia's influence
> [11:09:32 AM] Ishtara Raven: and i don't agree here, even if xeia told neo some things, the logos is doing this
I am not going to say it's not Logos and that it is a coincidence because there are no coincidences. So it must've been Logos, Logos is working on us, all of us who choose to play their part in this story.

> [11:09:45 AM] Tonyblue: yes i feel the energy
Me too...

> [11:10:24 AM] Tonyblue: of course xeia is talking to neo lol
> [11:10:33 AM] Tonyblue: its induced
I don't talk to him as often as Lola does... the last real convo we had was Jan 5th i think, when i was asking him to come clean with Lola. I had no real wish to talk to him then except for her benefit. We did have a brief phone conversation yesterday though, where we were able to establish that we are friends and as friends we will remain; but other than that we didn't touch upon any subject. So, I am open to the possibility that his presence here might be Logos induced yes, and that is part of the reason why it never sat well with me to refuse to talk to him completely. It didn't feel right. Neo was my good friend, and I still consider him as such. He can talk to me about anything, and i feel Lola should not have a problem with this... and neither should you Rok...

> [11:10:45 AM] Tonyblue: Rok dont be emotional here it is fine
> [11:11:19 AM] Tonyblue: Xeia is a bitch like Lola here like 2 girls in highschool remember giggling..
Sometimes perhaps... but we haven't been "giggling" very much lately... not much to "giggle" about... and yet, i know times are a-changing, there is still hope...

> [11:12:15 AM] Tonyblue: rok is honourable but inexperienced
> [11:12:25 AM] Ishtara Raven: yes as neo says
> [11:12:33 AM] Tonyblue: the femme mind
> [11:12:35 AM] Ishtara Raven: this is hard for rok to take, i understand
> [11:13:04 AM] Tonyblue: why rok should stop replying to neo see
Why?
Because he is too emotionally "unstable" like me? Because poor Rok cannot take Neo's "fire"?? No i don't agree. On the contrary, Rok is pure fire, I've felt and suffered his wrath for months on end.. He is Lord Hades of The Underworld for God's sakes... I know him better than anyone.. and i know he shouldn't listen to this advise.

Neo's influence may seem "negative"... but again, i feel not all is as it seems on the surface. If he sometimes angers us into oblivion by what he says (myself included), stirs strong emotions...well... What is so wrong with emotions anyway? Water=Emotions. Water is necessary to make a soup. In fact, water NEEDS to boil to make the soup. It is pure Alchemy. Pure Magic.
In this case Rok, the magic does not come from Neo... he is just the catalyst. The magic happens inside us. WE are the Master Alchemists...himself included also of course when we reflect it back to him.

We have to come to the realization that these are just words, or are they? He is not the "enemy" here. I know how this sounds but i am not defending him. And Rok listen to this: There is nothing that he can do or say that will change the way i feel about you. If this "hypothetical love affair" i have with you... as you once called it... is ever to end, it will not be because of a third person. You can now chisel these words onto a Rock... put it in an Ark under 7 locks and throw away the key.

There is no "enemy" except inside perhaps. I am not saying i agree with all of what he said, i don't. We do have differences of opinion in very many things also... What i'm saying here is that i do feel whoever comes into our den and decides to stay, has earned the right to.

I am not here to judge if this new influence i'm facing is positive or negative... i am just going to trust Mother and be open to the possibility that it may actually be part of the plan in the long run... How? i don't know how... i can't know.. That is for Logos to decide...i just feel it.

If i remember correctly it was you Rok who felt that any subject could and should be openly discussed, especially the "controversial" topics... like the "Bad words" thread on Mists remember? It was modded faster than the speed of light, i didn't even get a chance to read your first post. To know other people's opinions and to have an open discussion is one of the main reasons why heaven was created in the first place... When things get personal it IS hard... it is hard for me too... more than you'll ever know, but i feel all this serves a greater purpose... You need to trust me on this one...

> [11:13:07 AM] Ishtara Raven: but i think he will come out of it ok, he will think things through
> [11:13:15 AM] Tonyblue: he normally does
> [11:13:17 AM] Ishtara Raven: i told him this very thing yesterday
> [11:13:29 AM] Tonyblue: good share this with him
> [11:13:30 AM] Ishtara Raven: i said stop talking to him
Think for yourself Rok

> [11:14:46 AM] Tonyblue: neo's natural ego is very potent see
> [11:14:59 AM] Ishtara Raven: hehe yes, extremely
I agree that Neo's natural ego is extremely potent yes... but not more so than Rok's.

> [11:15:07 AM] Tonyblue: people ordinarily don't know how to handle this
Rok is not "people". He is in a whole new different category as I am, and he shouldn't be underestimated.

> [11:15:08 AM] Ishtara Raven: but i always felt he was a bluey anyhow
> [11:15:21 AM] Tonyblue: well sexwise he is yes
Rok is still leading the pack, it's just that he is not Cuban with a big mouth and an in-you-face attitude.

> [11:15:32 AM] Ishtara Raven: i could see his underlying self, he does have some gnosis
> [11:15:37 AM] Ishtara Raven: from before i mean
> [11:15:43 AM] Ishtara Raven: reading through all his ego shit
> [11:15:44 AM] Tonyblue: why this MM stuff is rather interesting now
> [11:16:12 AM] Tonyblue: yes and MM or Gaia will show him from his sexdrive see
Sexdrive? yes, same way it happened with Rok, it will slowly work on Neo...same dynamics, different circumstances... and I'm sure Lola will help him with that... if she wants to that is.

> [11:16:31 AM] Tonyblue: sui and Lola are lost in this
> [11:16:49 AM] Tonyblue: they dont understand the Lust factor neo does
Now somehow i am the same category as Lola. I'm not.

She has her reservations. She may not understand or agree with the lust factor. I do. I can see it.. i can smell it, I can recognize it... in me and in a bluey... This is why i'm not afraid of it. Does this mean i have to have sex with everyone who asks? No, I'll do it with whoever, however and whenever i choose to. I don't have to prove anything to anyone or become promiscuous in order to "fit" into someone's idea of a DragonQueen. I'll make my own brand new definition as i go along. I am too complex to fit anywhere.

> [11:17:06 AM] Ishtara Raven: no they are interpreting from the 3-D jealousys
> [11:17:13 AM] Tonyblue: the Shadow Flamingo
> [11:17:20 AM] Tonyblue: i tried to show this to them
> [11:17:28 AM] Tonyblue: yes
Jealous of who exactly? of each other? Perhaps you are projecting? Oh how dare me even say that...
No, i am not jealous of her and i really don't think Lola is jealous of me. And if she ever was because of Neo or will be, or of Rok (anything is possible), then i'll say it right now for future reference: Lola, don't be a Comemierda! This is me right here. You have a problem? You come talk to me.
I was never jealous because of Neo... if anything i was even encouraging him to be clear and direct with Lola... to talk to her, etc. However i must admit i have felt jealousy concerning Rok...for obvious reasons. Yes, that very beautiful low-chakra-3D feeling that seems to consume you into nothingness... and i survived it. I should write a book one day about Xeia and her emotional adventures in the Realms...


> [11:18:11 AM] Tonyblue: in a way see Neo has 'bewitched' them both Lola and Sui
The exact opposite happened.


> [11:18:24 AM] Tonyblue: BE CAREFUL ROK here
> [11:18:38 AM] Tonyblue: this info is sort of the deeper stuff
> [11:18:44 AM] Tonyblue: you might not be able to process
It is time for everyone here in this den to be open to everything and be faced with everything without the fear of "not being able to process". How can we learn anything if it's not exposed to us and we don't expose ourselves TO it. Deeper stuff? We Thubans are all about the "deeper stuff", otherwise we wouldn't be here. We are courageous enough to handle everything and anything that comes our way. That we will succeed? That's up to each of us and only time will tell... But if not now...when? Time is ending. Thank God!

> [11:18:53 AM] Tonyblue: DONT WORRY
> [11:18:55 AM] Tonyblue: just allow the perspective
> [11:19:13 AM] Tonyblue: BE FREE
> [11:19:16 AM] Tonyblue: in MIND
> [11:19:31 AM] Tonyblue: message to Rok
> [11:19:55 AM] Tonyblue: sharing this with Sui is not advisable as yet
> [11:20:03 AM] Tonyblue: Because she is plying dramas
> [11:20:20 AM] Tonyblue: but when you feel appropriate share it with her by all means
> [11:20:35 AM] Tonyblue: just advise ok?
> [11:21:12 AM] Tonyblue: advice?
> [11:21:33 AM] Ishtara Raven: ok its all pasted over to his chat
> [11:21:46 AM] Tonyblue: I mean to relax him raven
I know you mean well Tony and if anything you want to protect me...
But it's time you know this... I don't "play" dramas... i live my dramas consciously and intensely. I love my dramas because they permit me to learn from them either by placing myself in the eye of the hurricane or by examining my actions and reactions once the storm has passed... I am a leviathan... i may not be able to hold my liquor... but i can hold my water.

----------------------------------------------------------

But you know what.....partly it is true that me being here in this discussion is "wrong" since i should just let Xeia to actually handle it the way she wants it...this includes ALL her other problems....

I don't know what is the need for you to say this so many times Rok. You need to understand something about me. No matter if you tell me something a thousand times, if i don't wanna do it, i won't. You don't need to "let" me anything. I was born doing what i want. It is nice that you agree to this notion and afford me the freedom to decide, but this doesn't mean you should not tell me what you think. This doesn't mean you shouldn't advise me. This doesn't mean you shouldn't "spank" me even... if i make your blood boil... and "accommodate" as you say... to me and tell me only the things you "think" i can handle, because you might be wrong, and you could be underestimating me then. The worse thing you can do is neglect me, close yourself off and go hide in your "cave".
Now, there is a very thin line between being brutally honest and plain mean to a person... specially when it comes to someone you love and you don't wanna hurt. But this you will only learn by practice. By daily interaction with her. Not by what others tell you, but by what your heart tells you. You being in this discussion... you being here on heaven could never be wrong. This is our home...we made it... and your input is always interesting and fascinating to read... it is important to me, even necessary.


My apologies Neo...

I hope this was a joke. you know me i never get jokes... but if it wasn't, please... never apologize for who you are.


With Love and in Love,

Lola wrote:

Raven, don't you see that I have already brought balance with a little bit of chaos?

You are a miserable soul, Raven....the name suits you...

Bitter, Angry, Despondent and Defeated...

Love has eluded you...Life has abandoned you...

You are simply a sheep following the heard...

Humble yourself...before "The Creator" and he just might take pity on you...That is IF you even know who this creator is??? Which I doubt, quite emphatically...Tell again what Jesus said, Raven...Where is Jesus in all of this? Where is he hiding? In the Logos, Raven? Is Jesus in the Logos? Is he coming to save you, Raven?

AND Tony...Hear Me...End This Now...With communication, with truth, not conjecture, not cryptic messages, not with hippie songs from a bygone era...

Have you both lost your FIRE, your PASSION, has life beaten you down so much to the point of apathy? I've read your "literature"...Tell me of Maria Magdalena...Tell about the Sacred Feminine and Divinity...and this Whore full of Passion that you simply CANNOT even comprehend or pretend to emulate...

Show me the Devil...show me the raging waters and the fire...You can't...The Dragon has eluded you...but you don't see this...you are useless...powerless...the fire has died out and water has evaporated...and so now you seek the collective in order to simply disappear...

Are you both craving this polymorphic existence because as individuals you are Sum+0?

You are imbeciles...and cowards...

No More, ehh Tony...With rational and logic...Neo has challenged you...And Rok, with validity; Neo has emasculated you...

I asked you to end this Tony...you have failed me...And now I must be cruel in order to be kind...

So sad...We could be talking about the Opera...celestial divinity, mathematics and all that I find true and moving and real...and yet...here I am...backed into a corner by an army of peasants...hell bent on vengeance in the name of yes, JESUS...

I am the devil....I am here to create imbalance, i am here to take you all out of your comfort zone....


Lola

Lola wrote:

Now...Rok is ACCUSING her of being a LIAR and a FRAUD and a FAKE!!! Really Rok...not very nice!!! Is that love? No, not very loving, is it???!!!! Xeia tries to explain and you simply ignore her, cut her off! Wow...Grow up you big baby!!!! Listen, Rok...think long and hard before you make accusations of that nature! About anybody! Liar, Traitor, Fraud, Fake...those are real words, baby...Whereas, I may own those words, Xeia does not...silly boy!

Allisiam wrote:None of us involved in this have ever kept the truth from Xeia, she knows this. As always it comes out in the open, we hide nothing, so this is complete bullshit. You my dear do not understand where we stand on this. If anything was kept from her by any of us, I assure you it was temporary and in consideration of her feelings.

Allisiam wrote:Contrary to what you and Xeia are thinking here, I did not post this dream to make anyone horny. If you did or didn't get horny, I don't give a shit. If you read the dream in context with the other one and my comments you will see the true intent behind my sharing it. But feel free, as you always do, to read whatever BULLSHIT into it that you so choose.

Allisiam wrote:Infact it is bullshit Lola, but most people are too blind in there vanity and self absorption to see what a fucked world this is we live in. They would rather gloss their lips and gossip behind each others backs about who is fucking who up the ass, sideways and front.....

Rok wrote:she once upon a time, she does not remember....told Neo about it

Rok wrote:

I can get a "hint". If you are not there you do not feel like talking...something you also once said yourself (a close approximation) "So i do not bug you."

Rok wrote:I did just that...look what happened.

Rok wrote:Yes it was a joke. Still he should go on and without me saying anything about it. Handle it the way you like to. This and all the rest. And do not come all upset to me saying how he "dares to come to my forum and talk to me like that"...etc...calling me clueless when i tell you i do not even read what he writes...and when i try to make him either speak his true self or simply shut up....events "unfold"....

Now if you will all excuse me. I think i shared enough and will now take myself and my ignorance out of this thread so others...all others...can shine their own light in here.