On Post 47 Pain & Anguish, is where all of this started...
Fumanda said, and I quote,
"Neo" represented romance...he was a poet...and I let myself be swept away in his prose...I loved a man once long ago who was a lot like him...He passed away...He was gentle and kind and Oh how I loved him! So in Neo I saw an escape from my routine and practical reality...Lost in the poetry I could dream again...You make me laugh, I often told him... You make me cry, I told him...And well, not much makes me cry...I was falling in love but not with him but the idea of him and all of what he presented..."
He was flirting with my friend, Xeia...I didn't like that because he was also flirting with me.... and yes, I take issue with that!
24 Posts later, the true wounds are revealed: Post 70
"There are unresolved issues between Sui and myself. I AM TIRED
I feel betrayed...
Why on earth after all this time, must you tell me, Sui that you kissed Mario while I was with him? What benefit would that bring saying this now? I mean, we were together for almost 5-years, and he proposed twice. But at the time, my education came before any feelings I may have had for him. What were you thinking? So my friendship was just a big joke?? I never went after your boyfriends...I wouldn't want to...THAT'S NOT THE KIND OF PERSON I AM!
============LET'S FOCUS PEOPLE=============
Mario was the man she once loved so very much, the same man I remind her off, same man she dated for 5 years, that shared a kiss with Xeia while they where still together, I represented the "idea" of the re-birth of that love of which she now feels Xeia is responsible for messing things up for her again!
We get it Fumanda! We see the resentment, we see the connection, and we see your pain! The thoughts of betrayal, and the grief! Yes, grieving is a process, and the question in my mind is, are you still grieving the lost of Mario, or the loss of the "love" that connection (his and yours)brought forth?
Its obvious that my "flirting" with Xeia has opened some old wounds, and its revealed a scar that is the root of the problem.
And, here is the thing, I know that Allisiam said, "Why use a public forum for this?" "Why not Skype or something more private?"
Allisiam, this is real, this is true day to day life! And, what is this Forum about if not to explore and express all aspects of love!
32(A) Be kind to one another, tenderhearted,(B) forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
Love is forgiveness! Love is understanding! Love is not keeping account of each others wrong doings! Love is letting go of past grievances, and forgiving one another!
This is not about me, (on the surface, maybe) but its really never been about me, rather if anything, I've been the catalyst.
So, what is this all about?
This is about two best friends having an unresolved conflict, and me in the middle; things always happen for a reason!
It is also, about LOVE, and about GRIEF, and about DEATH, and about RESURRECTION.
Maybe its time to bring things out in the open, maybe its time for some sort of group therapy, maybe its time for validation, maybe is time to burry the hatchet, maybe is time to give closure to repressed feelings, maybe is time to clear the air once and for all of all toxins, so that we can feel free and receptive to the meaning of unconditional love.
I won't comment or speculate as to what exactly happened between Mario and Xeia, whether he was seduced by her or he initiated the whole thing, only they could answer that, and I think Xeia already did, he went after her, and not the way around. In any case, is time to let go of the past. Don't you agree?
To Fumanda:, Mario and I are nothing alike, you and him where in a relationship, dating for 5 years, sharing real intimacy, both physical and emotional intimacy. You and I on the other hand, have a friendship, a friendship that has allowed us to reach many levels of communication and understandings over a period of two or three months? We are both tied to other relationships, we both have children, we both lead seperate lives, yet we've shared our most intimate thoughts, and have grown fond of each other...that right there...is "free love" something that you speak against so much, yet, you and I are vivid examples of it!
See, how different the dynamics of our relationship is compared to you and Mario?
Secondly, Xeia did not initiate the conversation that's lead to this debauchery as you said, rather I did. So, when she says that Mario went after her, I have to say that I am compelled to believe her.
I can try and understand the trauma of 5 years dating this guy and your feelings of being betrayed by him, now me..and Xeia.
But, Fumanda, I did not betray you, you and I are not a couple, you and I had not reached some sort of agreement or disclosure regarding ourselves, or decided on being lovers, and not talking to anyone else, we where not dating, we where interchanging, we where bonding, we where talking "freely and openly" and sincerely, getting to know each other, and it was beautiful, and flowing, and uplifting.
Now, you can ask me, well, why? Why did you initiate such a conversation with her when you and I where doing so well sharing this form of "free love" between us?
Because there was an opportunity for open and honest responses between Xeia and myself that had nothing to do with you and I.
Because after twenty some years I was finally willing to risk the burden of telling her how I felt about her in High School and that lead to further clear and direct self-disclosures that neither of us had ever disclosed to each other before but now the conditions seemed appropiate because we have grown, and are far more mature then we where back when we are in High School.
And, I've got to tell you that your jealousy is a very undesirable quality (at this moment) in my eyes, even a bit scary, that's why I removed you from my friends list, because in my eyes, your not channeling you emotions in a productive way! Not that your feelings aren't valid, rather, it is how your dealing with them that matters to me!
Your passion, and complete "blind" and jealouse love for which you are professing for me, its a bit scary right now, don't you see that?
I think you need to come to better senses, and just breath....just breath!
In short, Fumanda, accept sometimes our heart sees what it wants to see, Xeia, did not betray you, you rather think so because your heart wants to believe that at one point someone loved you the way you've always wanted to be loved, and that love was perfect, so, Xeia is to blame...Stop!
I am sure he loved you, and am sure you loved him, and perhaps your love towards him was perfect in your heart, and in your mind.
However, try to see things from a different pespective for a change...
Only, God's love is perfect! And, in this human form perfection is only equal to self-knowledge!
Lao Tzu, in his Tao Te Ching, says “Knowing others is wisdom. Knowing self is enlightment. Mastering others require force. Mastering the self requires strength.”
Adi Shankaracharya, in his commentary on Bhagavad Gita says, “Self-knowledge” alone is the means to the highest bliss.”
Forgive Mario, let go, embrace his death, embrace death itself, by death I mean change, as we all know, everything is in a state of constant change, without this we wouldn't experience growth...without change...we wouldn't discover new feelings, new ideas, and/or new connections.
Is time to look deep, deep within your self seeking awareness, seeking self-knowledge, let go of your insecurities and see the greater picture!
This is one function of why Xeia is your best friend, her connection to you exposes your insecurity, this part of you, is teaching to dissolve those feelings of insecurity and embrace the beauty of your true self, both in and out.
To Xeia: I know your eager to help your friend embrace your idealogies. But, right now all she needs is affirmation, that you love her, that you are a true friend, that you know her, and know what she stands for, she needs reassurances that you are not out there to "steal" her connections to that part of her that is crying out for love, she looks up to you as a close friend for help with her own insecurities, get in the moment, inmerge in the "now" and reassure her.
Understand one thing, not all people are gay, or lesbians, or opened to new experiences, not all couples are swingers, and not everyone is willing to accept different ideals and take them as their own. Just because you may feel that your new found idealogy and/or beliefs work for you, and makes you feel liberated, full of love, and awake, alive even, doesn't mean that it has to have the same effect on everyone else and that includes friends. Some people are not ready, and they may never be ready, its their choice, all we can do is respect them, and let them be.
We all go through different processes, and some times we need to change our Ligo to a more simplistic form, rather then talking "mirrors" and "3D's" and "5D's" ...this all good...but if we don't know how to channel our knowledge, then it reflects our lack off, Wisdom.
Love forgives freely, "Love thy neighbor as we love one's self!"
To Allisiam: Also adding to what you said about children, which it was beautiful, but their was something I felt was missing...Jesus not just referred to children as an example of their unconditional love, but moreso because of their lack of malice in their heart and/or ill intents. Children have innocence , hence, their hearts are open, making them quick to forgive, to not hold grudges, they are resiliant to the badness.
1 Corinthians 14:20:
20Brothers,(A) do not be children in your thinking.(B) Be infants in evil, but in your thinking be(C) mature.
Sorry, I don't mean to come accross as a "KNOW IT ALL..." Well, maybe, I do, (develish grinning look, see it? lol) but I hope you can all look pass that and evolve to greater heights.
Xeia, the dream is beautiful and can be very real! I know!
Last edited by Neo2012 on Fri Feb 11, 2011 12:24 pm; edited 1 time in total